It's now 1990. I'm forty-three years old, which would've seemed impossible to a fourth grader, and yet when I look at photographs of myself as I was in 1956, I realize that in the important ways I haven't changed at all. I was Timmy then; now I'm Tim. But the essence remains the same. I'm not fooled by the baggy pants or the crew cut or the happy smile—I know my own eyes—and there is no doubt that the Timmy smiling at the camera is the Tim I am now. Inside the body, or beyond the body, there is something absolute and unchanging. The human life is all one thing, like a blade tracing loops on ice: a little kid, a twenty-three-year-old infantry sergeant, a middle-aged writer knowing guilt and sorrow. (236)
Today, as I reflect on who I am, who I was, and who I one day may become, I realize that under all this growth, I am still the same person I was 10 years ago. I am still that little kid running through the woods, swinging on the play set, talking constantly to anything that will listen, and dreaming dreams that seem impossible to achieve. I believe that as we grow into ourselves, the compilation of our experiences in life help us refine, not redefine, who we are today. As O’Brien states, “The human life is all one thing, like a blade tracing loops on ice”. Human life is all one thing. Like the line that follows the blade we all experience ups and downs, gains and relapses. It is the essence of what we experience that is the linking point between the lives of different people, not the actual happenings in life. Our past is always with us; it is a story trail of who we have become. We cannot shake ourselves free of our past because it is the foundation of who we have become. In this aspect we are ‘absolute and unchanging’.
When I look back on the pictures hanging on my wall, I know that they are just representations of me, snapshots taken at different stages of my development. These snapshots form a collage of who I am. In one picture I am the stubborn five year old, a smiling middle schooler, a questioning toddler, a sister sharing her blanket. Lessons of appreciating people for who they are, treating them fairly, striving for what I believe in, being independent, kind, and generous, have all been instilled in me at a young age. They have become the basis for how I act today, and have been left unchanged even as I have grown. All of these aspects have formed the person I am today, and they are as concrete as any good foundation should be.
Along with these essentials that make me, me, come ever changing fads. My group of friends is constantly growing and changing, the clothes I wear today are definitely not what I would have picked out as a kid, and my physical appearance changes weekly. But these are not the things that make me who I am. They are only accessories to my self-expression. They are not experiences that are life changing or memorable, they are just fun things to take part in on the road of life. Yet, if I was to look at a picture of me as I am today, I could tell you that I still see that same stubborn little kid who wanted to learn everything about the world. My goals in life have not changed, and neither have my hopes and desires. While they may have become a bit more refined, they still hold that childish originality from which they came. As O’Brien writes, “ […] in the important ways I haven’t changed at all”. The essentials of who I am have not changed. They are stagnant, they are the foundation upon which my entire essence is built upon.
When I look back on the pictures hanging on my wall, I know that they are just representations of me, snapshots taken at different stages of my development. These snapshots form a collage of who I am. In one picture I am the stubborn five year old, a smiling middle schooler, a questioning toddler, a sister sharing her blanket. Lessons of appreciating people for who they are, treating them fairly, striving for what I believe in, being independent, kind, and generous, have all been instilled in me at a young age. They have become the basis for how I act today, and have been left unchanged even as I have grown. All of these aspects have formed the person I am today, and they are as concrete as any good foundation should be.
Along with these essentials that make me, me, come ever changing fads. My group of friends is constantly growing and changing, the clothes I wear today are definitely not what I would have picked out as a kid, and my physical appearance changes weekly. But these are not the things that make me who I am. They are only accessories to my self-expression. They are not experiences that are life changing or memorable, they are just fun things to take part in on the road of life. Yet, if I was to look at a picture of me as I am today, I could tell you that I still see that same stubborn little kid who wanted to learn everything about the world. My goals in life have not changed, and neither have my hopes and desires. While they may have become a bit more refined, they still hold that childish originality from which they came. As O’Brien writes, “ […] in the important ways I haven’t changed at all”. The essentials of who I am have not changed. They are stagnant, they are the foundation upon which my entire essence is built upon.
3 comments:
You write, "my physical appearance changes weekly." hmmm I wonder if you mean your body changes in some way.
You continue, "Yet, if I was to look at a picture of me as I am today, I could tell you that I still see that same suborn little kid who wanted to learn everything about the world."
You still see that same little kid, but do others? How do others learn from what they see that you are someone who is suborn (I suppose you mean stubborn?) and wants "to learn everything about the world? Do you masque this someone by the clothes you wear and the friends you keep? Or are they clues to your being stubborn and inquisitive?
To tell you the truth, I had a very hard time with this assignment. I wasn't sure where to go with it, or even where to start. I must say it is one of my weaker posts.
Anyway, back to my blog and your comments. When I said my physical appearance changes weekly, I am referring mainly to the way I wear my hair and the way I put on my makeup. Also, I do sports so my body changes during those seasons, becoming more muscular. I guess I really should have explained that.
As for being stubborn, I believe that other people can see that in me. I fight for what I believe in, I am not afraid to stand by my word. And, of course, I will try to defend myself even when I am wrong just because I am stubborn and don't want to admit it. I also ask a lot of questions. I am constantly searching for answers, or trying to figure out how things work, which reflects my inquisitive side. Although the clothes that I wear might not reflect by stubbornness (I wear what every teenager wears- shirt and jeans) I do think my group of friends reflects my personality because I am friends with people from so many different groups. I believe this is an example of how I do not like to conform (being stubborn in a sense) to the norm of having friends who are all in the same group.
It is a challenging quote. I agree.
And yes, your explanation, the inclusion of the details helps.
You write, "I also ask a lot of questions. I am constantly searching for answers, or trying to figure out how things work, which reflects my inquisitive side."
BRAVO!!
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